Let me tell you two stories.

Our children are born abroad. As foreigners, we had to get through extra formalities to obtain their first residence permits.

This process required us to first obtain the Romanian passport. With our first born, producing the Romanian passport was delayed for various reasons, and at some point the Swiss authorities sent us a warning letter. So, we went to the alien police and explained that we encountered delays in the process. They told us that we should provide them with some proof to confirm that indeed the Romanian formalities are so lengthy.

We went back to the consulate to proceed with the passport formalities. There, we were told that there were so many enquiries that we need to wait for 3 months just to be scheduled for the official photo shots. There was not much we could do about that, but at least we wanted a little piece of paper saying that it takes so long:

Me: "Could you please provide us with a piece of paper stating how long the formalities take?" Lady: "No, we cannot do that."
Me: "Why not?"
Lady: "Because we are not allowed to sign papers like that."

At this point, we were a bit stuck. Then I had an idea:

Me: "Ok. Then could you please write me a little reminder on a piece of paper with the date on which we are scheduled for the photo?"
Lady: "Oh, sure."
Me: "Now, just so that I do not forget, could you also say next to the date what the purpose is?"
Lady: "With pleasure."
Me: "And now, could you also put a stamp on it?"
Lady: "Stamp?"
Me: "Yes, I see that you have this stamp next to you. Could you just put it on the paper?"
Lady: "Hmm ... Ok."

And we got our official proof that we could send to the Swiss authorities. When I phrased the original request, it appeared unacceptable, although I still do not understand why. But, when I presented the same problem from a different angle and split it in little steps, it was perceived much differently.

You might say that this behavior can be found only in bureaucratic environments. Let me tell you the second story.

Last year, I passed by Gelateria di Berna, our favorite Bernese ice cream shop. I stopped by to get some takeaway.

As I was standing in line, I realized that I only have 10 CHF. The problem was they only have takeaway packages of 14 HCF and 18 CHF. Other than these, they serve regular portions to eat on the spot for 3 CHF and 5 CHF.

I got to the counter: Me: "Look, I only have 10 CHF, but I really would want to get some ice cream for takeaway. Would it be possible to fill only half of the 14 CHF box and I pay for it 10 CHF?"
Seller: "No! We only serve the standard packages. But, you can buy two small portions that you can eat here."
Me: "Hmm, but I cannot really transport these home."

Stuck again.

Me: "Then, could I buy just an empty box?"
Seller: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Just the empty box. I give you 2 CHF for it. I am sure it is not worth more than that." Seller: "Ok, I could do that."
Me: "Then could you put in there a 5 CHF portion and a 3 CHF portion?"
Seller: "Ok."

He did it, and I had my ice cream to take home. The objective problem did not change a bit. The only thing that changed was the presentation.

These are not trivial examples as they relate to the main business of the characters involved. These people were dedicated to what they were doing and they wanted to do the right thing. We can argue that the focus was wrong, but still, they were not guided by ill-will. And, these are not examples of stupidity either. These are examples documenting that the stories we tell ourselves have a critical influence on the way we perceive and act in the world.

Presentation matters. It’s up to us to see both the power and the responsibility that comes with it.